What to Do When a Loved One Is Dying: A Legal & Practical Guide

September 4, 2025
Paramus Estate Planning

Facing the impending death of a loved one is one of life’s most painful experiences. During this emotional time, it’s also important to ensure that their legal, financial, and healthcare affairs are in order. Proper planning can ease stress, avoid family disputes, and ensure that your loved one’s wishes are respected.

As an estate planning attorney in New Jersey, I regularly help families prepare for and navigate end-of-life transitions. Below is a compassionate, step-by-step guide to help you get ready when a loved one is nearing the end of life.

1. Have an Honest, Compassionate Conversation

If your loved one is mentally capable, having an open and respectful conversation is the most important first step. Discuss:

  • Their wishes for medical care (especially regarding life-sustaining treatment)

  • Funeral and burial or cremation preferences

  • Where important documents are located

  • Any sentimental gifts or verbal instructions they want honored

These discussions can be emotionally challenging but are invaluable for ensuring peace of mind for both you and your loved one.

2. Review or Create Key Estate Planning Documents

Every New Jersey resident should have the following legal documents in place—especially when nearing the end of life:

✅ Proxy Directive and Instructive Directive (Living Will) 

These allow your loved one to name a healthcare proxy to make decisions if they become incapacitated, and outlines their  medical wishes, which guides emergency and end-of-life care.

✅ HIPAA Authorization

Grants designated individuals access to protected health information.

✅ Durable Power of Attorney (POA)

A financial POA allows someone to manage financial matters, pay bills, and handle property if your loved one is no longer able to do so. Without one, loved ones may have to go to court to obtain guardianship.

✅ Last Will and Testament

This document outlines how your loved one’s assets will be distributed, names an executor, and may designate guardians for minor children. New Jersey probate courts require an original will to begin the estate administration process.

✅ Agent to Control the Funeral and Disposition of Remains

This binding form ensures that your loved one’s final wishes regarding funeral service, burial, cremation, or other preferences are carried out by a trusted person.

✅ Revocable Living Trust (if applicable)

A trust can help avoid New Jersey probate, maintain privacy, and make the transfer of assets smoother and faster.

📝 If any of these documents are missing or outdated, contact a qualified New Jersey estate planning attorney as soon as possible to avoid future complications.

3. Organize Financial, Legal & Personal Information

Gather the following information into a secure, accessible place:

  • Bank and brokerage accounts

  • Property deeds and mortgage documents

  • Insurance policies (life, health, long-term care)

  • Pension and retirement accounts (401(k), IRA)

  • Tax returns

  • Safe deposit box access

  • Vehicle titles and registrations

  • Information regarding digital accounts

In New Jersey, inheritance tax may apply in certain situations—especially if assets are left to non-immediate family members—so financial clarity is essential.

4. Check and Update Beneficiary Designations

Beneficiary designations override what’s written in a will, so make sure your loved one reviews and updates:

  • Life insurance policies

  • Retirement accounts (IRAs, 401(k)s)

  • Payable-on-death (POD) or transfer-on-death (TOD) bank accounts

  • Legacy settings for digital accounts

5. Discuss End-of-Life Preferences and Funeral Planning

Ask your loved one:

  • Do they want to be buried or cremated?

  • Are there specific religious or cultural rites to follow?

  • Do they want a traditional funeral, celebration of life, or something else?

  • Have they prepaid or chosen a funeral home?

In New Jersey, written instructions for funeral arrangements take precedence over verbal wishes, so it’s wise to document these preferences.

6. Consider Professional Guidance

Your loved one—and your family—can benefit from a team of professionals, including:

  • Hospice Staff or Palliative Care Team – For medical comfort and emotional support

  • Funeral Director – For planning and logistics

  • New Jersey Estate Planning Attorney – To draft, review, and finalize legal documents

  • Financial Advisor – To prepare for asset transfer and minimize tax impact

  • Certified Public Accountant (CPA) – To handle final tax returns and inheritance tax filings

7. Prepare Emotionally and Support Family Communication

Encourage your loved one to share memories, wisdom, or write letters to family members. These emotional legacies often mean more than any material inheritance.

It’s also wise to gather immediate family members for a meeting to:

  • Review the plan and your loved one’s wishes

  • Clarify roles and responsibilities

  • Avoid misunderstandings after death

Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

End-of-life planning involves sensitive conversations, legal complexities, and emotional challenges. But you don’t have to face it alone.

We offer compassionate and experienced guidance to help your family prepare and protect what matters most. Whether you need to update documents, set up a trust, or simply get answers to your questions—we’re here to help.

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